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shouldn’t have to do. If talking about stool samples will make you sick, skip this post. Thank God they were baby stool samples at least.
Have you ever tried to get a stool sample from a baby whose stool is soaking into his diaper? I have a request for the makers of stool sample kits. When you are making those vials and spoons, make a separate one for babies who are in diapers because let me tell you, that spiked spoon attached to the lid does nothing but rip the diaper up.
My doctor told me once when Jordan was a baby that babies are like cars. Cars will tick until you get them to the mechanic then they won’t duplicate that noise again for the person who needs to fix it. Babies will do the same thing with the doctor. Tick tick tick, get to the doctor, nothing.
Christiano didn’t have another diaper that concerned me after we got back from the doctor, so the stool sample vials sat there until this morning when I get a whiff of him.
Pato’s ironing his clothes, which usually when he does that, Christiano goes over trying to pull Pato’s pants off the board, I thought that would work in my favor this morning. I take the diaper off, clean him up, put a new one on. Christiano just lays there looking at me. Usually as soon as the diaper is off he’s rolling over trying to get up. He doesn’t even wait for the new one. Now when I need him to move he won’t. Pato’s whistling at him, calling him to come over. Nothing. (Yes, my husband calls to our children like dogs, whistle, here Nano, Nano. It might not really be that bad. I might be exaggerating a tad. It’s close though.) I snap the gloves on, turn my whole body away from Christian and start setting things up. Christian gets up, toddles over to me, squats down, and looks at me funny. I swear my son was thinking, what the heck are you doing with my diaper mom? Or, maybe he was thinking, you never let me play with my own poo. How come you get to have all the fun?
I got out the spiky spoon and tried to get some out. Ripped the diaper. Crap. I’m holding my breath this whole time. I got a plastic fork out and started scraping at the diaper. Christian went and sat at the sliding glass door, looked at me, and started laughing. I am not kidding you. My almost 1 year old was laughing at me, like it was funny that I had to dig crap out of his diaper. Have you ever tried to get stuff out of a diaper when the stool is so loose it soaks into the diaper? Not cool.
The plastic fork wouldn’t fit into the vials very well, so then I had to use the spiky spoon to scrape it off the fork and into the 3 vials. Pato was cracking up.
I said, you know what. Laugh now bud. Next time we have to get samples of our kids poo, it’s all on you, and it’s usually Jordan we have to get samples of. You have fun with that dude.
I scraped and scraped, almost passing out from holding my breath. Didn’t even get close to enough to fill up to the magic lines in the handy dandy flippin’ vials. Said screw it. They can take what I have because it’s not going to get much better until he’s back to solid poo. At that point, we won’t need stool samples because the whole reason we are getting them is that he’s had diarrhea since Tuesday.
I’m just thankful that my sister-in-law, who is a nurse at our clinic, threw in gloves for me to use while doing it. Normally they don’t think of those. So, a big thank you to Angie. Man, that would have sucked even more bare handed.
I have to say I think I’ll take Ricky Martin‘s advice. Singing always makes me feel better and after a morning of playing in poo, I need it.
Have a great day!
ETA – You know I’ve been doing KettleWorX. What are your favorite weight loss products? Tell me your secrets!