I’ve Got Guilt

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I don’t suppose you can see why?

Every pet that I have ever made plans to get, I set aside money for getting them fixed.

Cuz I’m this huge spay/neuter your cat/dog person.

There are too many homeless animals, animals in shelters, animals losing their lives in kill shelters every single day.

What happens when a kitten shows up on your porch in the middle of a snow storm and your kids beg you to please take them in the house?

You end up with Elaina.  A cat you didn’t plan on having, budget having, but you still love.

My husband won’t help with paying for vet work.

We have had some problems with money for awhile, his car kept breaking down, traffic was down, not as much money coming in, which meant, I had to put out more of my money to help out with bills.

Last May, I finally set money aside for my little escape artist to get spayed (she has broken 3 child proof locks on drawers in the bathroom to get out through the plumbing somehow, she ripped my dryer vent out, she was determined).  Then she went into heat again.  Our vet charges more for them to be spayed in heat.  So, I canceled the appointment, told them I’d reschedule when she wasn’t in heat.

She got out again.

Car broke down again, kids needed clothes/school supplies.

I just kept praying, please don’t let her be pregnant.  Please don’t let her be pregnant.

I know better.  All the advice you read says, if you don’t get them spayed, make sure you keep them in the house.  I knew better than that too.  A cat in heat is a slippery little thing that will get out when they want to.  Doesn’t matter how many dryer vents are in the way.

I noticed she looked like a snake that ate a small puppy a week ago. (Don’t freak out, she is almost 2, not too young to be giving birth. My worry is how small she is.  She is not a big cat at all.)

Her water broke in Alyce’s bed last night.

There aren’t kittens yet, but they are on their way.

I am so mad at myself, frustrated with money, feeling horrible guilt.

I was debating getting her spayed while she was pregnant. That made me feel horrible too.  Kill living creatures on purpose?  She’s in labor and I just got paid today. (Thank God in case we need a vet for this.)

Plan from here on out.

Pato has a different car that isn’t breaking down every other week, eating up all of our money. Yay.

There’s a rescue here that does low cost spaying and neutering along with shots (now I find out, right?)

I’m setting aside money now to take Elaina and all the babies in to get done as soon as they are old enough.  What is that? 8 weeks or so? I’m really hoping she only has 2 or 3. One would be better.

That is the only way I can possibly be semi-ok with giving her kittens away.

I have no idea how long it takes once her water breaks (at about 2) for active labor to start?

Don’t leave comments reaming me out.  I’ll delete them.  I’ve seen other people reach out online for help when their cat got out and came back pregnant and people are just cruel.  How stupid are you?  You should give her away to someone who can take care of her.  Poor kitty giving birth. No, it wouldn’t be better to rehome her because we were having financial difficulty. Freedom of speech you say?  Not on my blog. If you’re here to hurt people, keep on going.

I’ve beat myself up enough, I have educated myself, and I don’t need some random person googling pregnant cats for the sole purpose of running their mouth over here making me feel worse.

I have just had this weighing on me and needed to get it out.

Preferably before she gives birth.

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