We’re back from Kat’s soccer game, it was at 9, which is why I didn’t blog this morning yet. It was enough getting everyone up and ready in time.
Last night was a rough night for Jordan. He had soccer practice and it wasn’t great. I dropped him off and then headed to a local Chinese restaurant for supper and to bring him something to go.
We had just gotten our egg rolls when Jordan called me crying. Something about playing Knock Out. One of the kids (who always picks on him and tells him how much he sucks) said, go for the weaker people first, you know like Jordan! Within minutes of that he came up to Jordan and kicked him in the ankle really hard. Ball wasn’t in play. He did it on purpose.
Jordan was done. I went and picked him up and took one of the assistant coaches aside and said he doesn’t want to play anymore. I told him everything that had happened – even before today. I said Jordan knows he is not the strongest member of the team, but being humiliated in front of the whole team like that was wrong too.
When I came home I sent this email to both coaches –
First, insert coaches name, I have to apologize. When Jordan called me crying, I thought he said that one of you guys had said to take out the weakest players, like Jordan, first. Then that Child who has been picking on Jordan had repeated it. Turns out it was all Child who has been picking on Jordan, again.
insert coaches name, Jordan didn’t tell you what Child who has been picking on Jordan had done because he was afraid to say it with Child who has been picking on Jordan there.
Like I told insert coaches name, it is so hard for me to get Jordan out there very season, though he loves soccer, he knows he is not the strongest player. He gets embarrassed because he is not as fast as the other kids, but I remind him each time how much he loves soccer, he has other strengths than being fast and if he’d continue to work at them, the other would come eventually.
Every single game. Every single practice. Child who has been picking on Jordan has done or said something that has made Jordan feel bad. Usually more than once. Up until this point I have told Jordan that he has 2 options, he can tell Child who has been picking on Jordan to back off when he starts running his mouth, or he can ignore him. He’s 11 years old though and I don’t think it’s cool for mommy to come running out there and taking care of problems for him. I think it will make the problems worse when the other kid starts teasing him about his mom running to his defense.
But, now it’s different. Jordan wants to quit. insert coaches name, I know he told you he hopes he will go to the game on Sunday, but on the way home he told me there is no way he’s going. Child who has been picking on Jordan this and Child who has been picking on Jordan that and everything Child who has been picking on Jordan has ever said to him.
I’m not sure what Child who has been picking on Jordan‘s problem is with Jordan, but it needs to stop. I have no idea why you would want to tear apart another member of your own team. In my mind, you would support each other so you can play your best and beat the other teams. All of us, parents on down to players signed good sportsmanship things and what Child who has been picking on Jordan is doing, tearing down another player so much that he doesn’t want to play a game he has played every single season since he was 5? That is not good sportsmanship.
I know that I will not be able to get Jordan out on that field again until Child who has been picking on Jordan stops what he is doing. He doesn’t have to be friends with Jordan, he doesn’t even have to like Jordan, but he needs to stop tearing him down and any physical attacks that have happened, need to stop. Soccer is a physical sport, people are going to get kicked, people are going to get hurt, it’s what happens. But you should not have to worry about your own teammate purposely coming at you like Child who has been picking on Jordan did tonight.
Thanks!
Heather
I am not going to post the whole email from coach, but it was supportive of Jordan –
I can say for certain that Jordan would have made a very positive contribution in last Sunday’s game if he wasn’t ill. In other words, I think we would have won the game if he was there (we lost 1 – 2).
That’s not me being overly nice, but stating what I believe to be true (we had to play other players at goalie for the entire game which impacted us negatively).
See, Jordan is good at goalie. Just because he is not the fastest player out there, that doesn’t mean that he isn’t an asset to the team. He is really good at what he does. His coach continued on with he will talk to the other player involved.
And part of my reply back –
Hey Insert coaches name! Thanks for telling me that about last week’s game. Jordan was feeling really down on himself and I let him know that and emphasized how you thought he was important to the team. Up until about 5 minutes ago he still refused to go to the game, but Pato and i have been talking to him all morning about "fake it til you make it". That when people pick on other people like that, they usually pick on someone that they feel is weaker than them. That Jordan needs to go out there with his shoulders back, head held high, and have some self confidence. He said he doesn’t have any. I said, fake it. If you fake it long enough you will eventually feel it. I also told him that if Child who has been picking on Jordan says anything to tell him to back off and then turn and walk away from him.
Jordan said he would go to the game tomorrow when he left to go to his dad’s. He is really nervous about any interaction with Child who has been picking on Jordan though. I don’t understand why he is letting someone make him feel like he needs to quit something he loves, he has no problems with anyone else on the team, he needs to focus on that.
If you can think of anything else I can do on my end to make this better for him, let me know.
We talked to Jordan about this relating to soccer and to the bus. He has no problem with any other kid on the team, no problems with anyone at school, just this one kid in soccer and on the bus. He has got to start focusing on the positive, not on the people who want to tear him down. I told him he’s got to start doing it now because if he lets them win in destroying his self confidence that he will feel inferior and continue to let people walk all over him. If he stands up for himself, he’ll feel good about it, he’ll feel good about himself.
So tomorrow, send some thoughts out there for Jordan that he can go out there and have some confidence, that he finally takes some pride in what he does and feels good about himself. Hope that he starts feeling more confident in himself so that he doesn’t let this one kids’ attempt to tear him down succeed.
If you have any thoughts about how else I can help him, please give them to me.
Have a wonderful day!
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UGH. What’s up with all the meanness? I’m with you, kids need to learn to work things out for themselves, but there comes a point where the parents have to step in. And that little *AHEM* kid’s parents need a good butt whippin, too. They should have taught their kid how to treat others. I know things are going to happen, and sometimes things are going to be said, but to go on year after year? No way. Jordan is a smart, caring, sweet, & polite kiddo. I’d hate to see some little jerk ruin a great kid like Jordan.
Kari~RDG´s most fabulous [type] ..Grandmama
Jordan,
I was picked on by school bullies from the time I entered elementary school up until my senior year of high school. I had such low self-confidence that there were days I didn’t want to go to school. I’m 23 years old now, and a student in college. I have a son of my own, who’s about to turn 4. My cousin is 15 years old and still deals with bullies. He’s overweight and he has a slight speech impediment. He is so bothered by the bullies that he’s had to repeat some of his classes because he fails so much homework. The only thing that gave him confidence was football because he enjoyed it so much and was so good at it. This past year, he quit football because the bullies even got to him in that.
Don’t be like my cousin – don’t give up something you’re good at, because that gives them the fuel that they need to continue. The people who used to pick on me in high school no longer pick on me – when I see them, they smile at me instead, because they’ve run out of the fuel they need to be bullies and it’s just too much work now to be mean. Show the bullies that you don’t care what they say about you, that you at least have the confidence in yourself to not let them beat you down. Like your mom said, if you don’t have it, fake it and pretend that you have it, and eventually you’ll fake it so long that you’ll discover you will have confidence. And the bullies will realize that after beating you down so much and still not beating you into submission, that they’re not going to accomplish their goal and it’s just too much work to continue.
Leticia´s most fabulous [type] ..Paranormal
It is so hard to have a grandchild hurting and not be able to fix it. I think maybe his uncles could talk with him about how to deal with idiots like the child in question. What a jerk. Can you imagine how child will turn out if someone doesn’t turn him a different direction? In my experience, there is something lacking in a person or they are hurting inside when they feel the need to lash out on an innocent boy. Perhaps he is abused at home? Heather, remember when you lived in Adel and this type of thing happened? Didn’t he have a bad home life? I’ll be praying for Jordan.