I am a Christian, tattoo loving, paranormal believing, pierced up, supernatural watching, vampire diaries adoring, soccer coaching, animal helping, Earth saving, twimom to 4 living a crazy life I love. I am definitely Not Everyones Mama.
This is not my giveaway, but Cathy Liggett’s. You know I absolutely loved the book from my review you can read here. I received an email update from her about it and thought I’d pass it on to the rest of you fabulous ladies. You can win a copy of Beaded Hope and this gorgeous bracelet! It’s a very simple, just enter your name and email address to put your name in the drawing.
Good luck!
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I just received this great article, which is so in touch with my last 2 posts and how I feel about myself. I thought it would be a great read for anyone who has problems with themselves.
Ten Tips that Will Change How You Look and Feel About Beauty
By Vivian Diller Ph.D. with Jill Muir-Sukenick Ph.D., edited by Michele Willens,
Authors of Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change
Face it: there is no magic solution to aging with grace and dignity. Having just written a book offering guidance to millions of women who feel trapped by conflicting feelings, we think we are on to something. We have found satisfying, long term solutions that help us deal with a culture that virtually programs women to have a crisis over their aging appearance. We were once professional models, so we were made acutely aware how quickly a premium on physical beauty can fade with age. It took hard work and time, but we learned the secret of how to enjoy our changing appearance. Now we are therapists treating hundreds of women who may be fulfilled and evolved in many ways, but are still having difficulty coming to terms with the lines of time. Here are some great psychological tips we tell women to "think" about that help them change the way they "feel" and "look." They worked for us. They can work for you!
1) Beauty is not just a physical experience, but a psychological one as well. We all tend to think of beauty as a skin-deep issue, all about how we physically look. But research tells us that perception of what is deemed attractive and unattractive is much more complicated. Why do you think some beautiful women say, "I’ve never thought I was pretty"? Yes, even beauties like Uma Thurman and Michelle Pfeiffer have drawn attention to what they consider flaws. Similarly, there are women who may not be your typical image of beauty, yet when you ask them they say they are quite confident in their looks. Serena Williams never tries to cover up her unconventionally muscular physique: in fact, she flaunts it and somehow it makes her more appealing. What makes people feel attractive goes well beyond our physical self. It runs deep, much deeper than the eye can see.
2) Although we can’t stop the physical changes of aging, we can change our experience of aging. No one, not any doctor, dermatologist or surgeon can stop physical changes of aging. There may be ways to look better, take care of your skin and bodies that put things temporarily on hold, at least on the surface. We’re all for that! We’re also for ways we can experience — and even enjoy — our changing looks. If we take care of ourselves, it makes us feel better and we smile more. When we smile, we look more attractive. The sooner we go through an interior process, (we offer six steps in our book) the better you will feel inside and out.
3) While aging is inevitable and irreversible, self-image is not. Self-image can be fluid and timeless. Self-image is not an actual still picture of oneself. It is an internal experience, how we see ourselves from within, over time throughout our lives. It’s flexible and malleable. And if we understand that self image is changeable, then that is what we try to help women conquer. Not age itself. That’s a battle we can’t win.
4) Beauty is in the "I" of the beholder. If we become our own internal "eye," we can take control over how we see ourselves, rather than give it over to other people to determine if we’re attractive or not. Our six steps serve to change the internal lens through which we see, not only ourselves, but others as well. The result? Women will be less self critical and less critical of each other.
5) Chronological age does not have to define you. You can define yourself at your chronological age. A particular age has little to do with how old you feel. You can define how you want to be 40, 50 and onward. We also don’t have to let magazine images define what is beautiful. Some women in their 20′s feel old. Some women in their 60′s feel young.
6) Put your beauty in your identity, not your identity in your beauty. Your identity is made up of many aspects of yourself. How you look is just one of them. As you get older, more aspects of yourself can make up your identity; for example, your experiences in life, your accomplishments and your relationships. If you hold onto youthful beauty as a narrow definition of yourself, you’re especially unlikely to enjoy your looks as you age. You leave out so many other ways to feel good about yourself.
7) Take an honest look at who you are, not what you look like. Mirrors tell only a little of what we really look like. Gaze again and go beyond, past your reflection and see who you are as a person. Think of what you see as only the image of yourself, that informs the world of your physical self. But who you are is more than what they see.
Rob beauty of its power over you. Take back that power and you will feel more beautiful. Our culture has given beauty power over women. We are told who and what is beautiful. We know that youth is beautiful. Most people see babies as beautiful. But grandmothers can be beautiful as well. Some of the most beautiful women in the world are those who smile, engage and appear happy at any age. If you take back the power of what makes you feel attractive, you will become more attractive to yourself and others.
9) Become less afraid of aging and you will look more beautiful. When you see a face that is scared, you would hardly call it beautiful. There is nothing pretty about fear. Women need to accept that aging happens and that becoming more courageous about all aspects of our lives will enhance them . . . and us.
10) Beauty matters to all women, but to those who age beautifully, it matters neither too much nor too little. We all know that a core aspect of our identities is our appearance. No doubt our looks matter. But women who allow beauty to matter, but keep it in balance with all other aspects of their lives, can enjoy their looks at any age.
Bottom line: Dealing with your looks as they inevitably change is a psychological process as well as a physical challenge. Master the first and the second will come with much more joy. When it comes to your face, your body and your aging process, be smart, be thoughtful and you’ll be more beautiful.
© 2010 Vivian Diller Ph.D. with Jill Muir-Sukenick Ph.D., edited by Michele Willens, authors of Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change
Author Bios
Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change
For more information on the book, authors, and events, please visit http://www.faceitthebook.com or visit their fan page on Facebook.
I received nothing for posting this. I just felt it was a wonderful article that all of us women could use. At one point or another we are all too harsh on ourselves and place to much stock in how we look. (Myself being a major offender of this.)
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Yesterday ended up being a great day. I went to Goodwill in the morning because I’m not sure of where any other thrift stores are. One of my friends on Facebook told me to go to the Salvation Army in Ames because the college kids throw out a lot of awesome stuff. I haven’t been to Ames in years. I think a road trip might be in order. That is if the college kids have a big ol’ butt like mine. 
That was the one thing I had problems with. I really had to dig to find anything bigger than a size 8 or 10 in the racks. I was missing the days that I could wear those sizes because there were so many cute cute cute things in those sizes. I would have spent a lot more if I wore a smaller size.
I ended up getting 2 pairs of pants, a skirt, a dress, 2 sweaters, 3 shirts, and 2 pairs of shoes for myself. I got Kat a pair of crocks that look brand new and a pair of Minnetonka moccasins. They’re red. She loves them. I got Alyce a really cute denim Gap jacket. It flares out at the bottom and at the ends of the sleeves. I looked for stuff for Jordan and Christiano but there wasn’t anything that caught my eye for them.
The best find? A Holly Hobbie doll that looks just like one I had when I was little. Kat didn’t want it. I grabbed it anyway – for 99 cents. So Alyce now has a doll just like the one I had when I was little. So cute! It took me back to my childhood for a second when I picked it up. That was one of my favorite dolls.
Kat bagged for this ugly neon pink/teal lunch box. After trying to dissuade her I went ahead and got it. She wants to take cold lunch to school so there ya go. I told Pato to pick up some stuff to make lunches (sandwich meat, cheese, etc.) after work today. I’ve got plenty of peanut butter and jelly. Unfortunately for my kids who love that, nut products aren’t allowed at school. No peanut butter for you!
After shopping I came home and tried everything on. One of the skirts I got is a tad snug. I need to lose a few more pounds in the old tummy area to get that on and look good in it.
Then I came home, nursed Christiano, and headed off to the casino with my parents. They won. I didn’t. As I was walking out the door I ran into Alex. A friend of Pato’s who I haven’t seen in a few years. He asked me if I was pregnant again. (He hasn’t seen me since Pato and I had kids, ya know, when I gained weight, because he isn’t that good of a friend.) I said, no I’m just fat. Thanks for that dude. I was all feeling good because the pants I was wearing were a size smaller than my old size, I was wearing a hoodie over my t-shirt that has a fun story behind it. I didn’t want to wear any of my coats because the clashed with the pants so I grabbed Jordan’s hoodie that has been hanging in the closet because it’s too small for him to zip it. I was able to put it on and zip it and have a little room. (I’ve got a new closet to steal from besides Pato’s now.) I was feeling good because I’m going down. Then he asks if I’m pregnant? Kiss my what? Couth dude, go buy some. You wonder why I posted what I did yesterday? Alex just validated me feeling uncomfortable about myself.
I got home at 10:45 and it was Pato’s turn to go out. I fought Christiano on going to sleep. Even with all the lights off he was trying to escape. I ended up giving up nursing and just kept moving him back up and laying him on the pillow, telling him no every time he moved. He cried for a little bit, but I just kept rubbing his leg (he giggled when I rubbed his back). And he finally went to sleep. That’s the first time he’s ever gone to sleep without being nursed or walked up and down the hallway. Know what? He slept all night. I think I found the trick. No more nursing to sleep. I’ll just nurse him then lay him down and put him to sleep.
Pato rolled in at 4:30 in the morning. I was expecting it. I know I lose track of time when I’m sitting there playing. He didn’t smell like beer so I was good. That was my one requirement, no drinking and driving. We had a fight a couple of weeks ago about me going to the casino with my parents when he doesn’t “get” to go to the bar or anything with his friends after work. I don’t care if you go do something, just don’t drink and drive. If you and Omar (his best friend) want to drink, do it here so I know no one is driving.
I guess Omar partook in the drinking of the alcohol quite a bit. Pato said he would have been home at 3:30 but Omar wouldn’t get out of his car. He asked me if I remembered the night Omar was going on and on about how much hotter Jacob was than Edward – yes, we sat and argued about it after New Moon came out. I guess he was way worse than that. He was just sitting in Pato’s car babblign and Pato had no idea what he was saying. After he finally got out of the car and Pato was driving home Omar called him with some more incoherent babbling. Pato’s all, dude go to bed. Sleep it off. I asked why they kept serving him with how drunk he was. Pato had no idea. From my old cocktail waitressing days – it’s against the law to serve someone pass the legal point of intoxication and it’s illegal to serve someone who is visibly intoxicated. If I know Omar, he was more than visibly intoxicated. Oh well, as long as he wasn’t driving I guess. But I worry with how much he drinks he is going to put himself in the hospital or worse one of these days.
I was nice and surprised when Pato hopped out of bed, only pressing the snooze button once, and got ready for work. On a normal day he hits snooze 10 times (aka past the point I am completely woken up). I was sure after getting to sleep a little before 5 AM that it would be worse this morning. That was kind of nice.
This blog post was interrupted by a round of beauty shop. now the girls and I have the prettiest nails and toe nails. The smears just add character.
I’m off to get some cleaning done.
You have a great day!
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