Well, almost a family meeting, we were missing Pato, who was working. After the episode of Jordan getting seriously angry with me the other day, me breaking down in tears, Pato coming home early the other day, I called his counselor who is the sweetest person on the face of the Earth and one person at school that Jordan has always felt good talking to. She suggested that I talk to Jordan and assess where he is at right now. What’s bothering him. If he’s an (in?) imminent danger to himself. What do we need to do. (I would tell you all what happened, but Jordan was mad enough about me telling his dad. I know if he knew that I posted what happened the other day he might not forgive me for a few years.) His doctor had other advice that I didn’t want to take which is why I had called the counselor.
When Jordan got home from school I took him back to my room after popping in a DVD for the girls and told him that I wanted him to tell me everything that was going through his mind. If it bothered him, I wanted to know, he wouldn’t get in trouble for being honest with me. I told him that I loved him and his siblings more than my own life and that if something ever happened to any of them that a part of me would die inside. I think he knew I was serious finally because he broke down and told me everything that was on his mind. Everything that he is having trouble dealing with. Remember that he is 10. It’s hard to deal with your frustration and anger period, but when you’re a kid and it’s all piling up, it feels like you’re just going to explode and there’s nothing you can do to stop these things.
The main thing that is bothering Jordan is that his best friend is moving to Texas. Jordan doesn’t feel like he has any friends (which I’ve never understood because I’ve talked to his teachers and they all say Jordan interacts with the other kids really well and that he seems to have quite a few friends). To have Fiaz, the one person that he feels he can count on at school, move is just about the end of the world to Jordan.
I told him that I couldn’t fix Fiaz moving, but that just because he was leaving didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends any more. I said Jordan, you have an email address (for family that I check), you can give that to Fiaz, you can email back and forth. You have a cell phone (that never gets used). Give him the number. You guys can call each other. You can keep in contact with him even if he is half the country away.
That made him feel a little better about that situation.
Another thing bothering him is our pets. He is still upset (and rightfully so) over Hammie dying (for those just joining us, Hammie was Jordan’s dwarf hamster he had for 3 1/2 years who died about 2 months ago). Then Snowball died (our sweet little gerbil we got 2 months ago) last week. He misses having his pets, but he’s scared that if we get another one they are just going to die too. I can’t promise that it wouldn’t. I guess that’s just the risk you take when you get a small animal. I can try to lower the risks by going to a breeder that is known for trying to breed out genetic problems, but I can’t promise that it won’t happen again. I think he just needs to go through the grieving process for our pets. It hurts. I don’t care if some people consider the small little rodents to be just pocket pets. They were a part of our family and we loved them as such. It broke his (and my) heart to lose them.
He’s still having trouble with the kids on the bus. Not enough that they are crossing the line where they will get kicked off the bus, but they push that line to see how far it will go.
After he and I talked for a bit we brought the other kids in and we all sat around and talked about what was bothering us. Kat had a laundry list of complaints. Eggs bother Alyce. I’m not sure why since she seems to love them when they are sitting in front of her, but last night eggs was what was on her mind. We decided it bothers Christiano when he’s trying to walk and he falls on his butt.
It bothers mommy when she has to repeat herself 52,000 times before someone will do what she asks. And mommy said that she yells to much. Jordan said that it was their fault that I yell. I thought that was a perfect opportunity to show my kids that I need to work on things too. I said, no, it’s nobodies’ fault but my own when I yell. I make the choice to raise my voice. Now, the reason behind it is that I am tired of saying the same thing over and over again and I’m trying to get your attention, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am the only one who can control how I react to a situation. I need to work on that. I need to find another way to deal with my frustration just like you need to find a way to deal with your frustration when you’re angry and not act out the way you did the other day. We both need to work on it.
After we talked about what we could change and how we could react to things differently and declared our love for all members of our family including Huck the parakeet we came out of my room, supposedly to get our stuff done. I started supper. And my kids started to ignore me. I chose not to raise my voice at all, but they continued to ignore me. TV off, electronics off, things they were playing with taken away, and they still ignored me.
On the plus side, I called this morning and Jordan and I have an appointment with a counselor on Wednesday to see if we can’t get to the bottom of these issues, teach him how to get that anger and frustration out when he is upset, and maybe, just maybe they can teach me how to get my kids’ attention.
Here’s hoping because there is nothing that hurts worse than when one of your kids is hurting and you can’t fix it. It goes right through your heart. I wish he was 2 again and I could just pick him up, kiss it, and make it all better, but I can’t.
My friend Diane (she’s a teacher) told me that I need to feel good about that fact that Jordan feels comfortable enough to tell me everything that was on his mind, that he even felt ok telling me some things that I did that upset him. That a lot of kids his age don’t feel like they can tell their parents that kind of stuff. I’m really glad she told me that because I have been beating myself up the last few days trying to figure out what I’ve done that has made Jordan so angry. It does make me feel good that he felt like he could talk to me. I love that kid. He really is one of the sweetest kids you will ever meet and he has such a good heart. I just want to wrap him in my arms and protect from all the hurts that this world will throw at him.
Go give your kids a hug and let them know how much you love them.
I’ve got a new giveaway listed this morning for an XO necklace. Go check it out along with the other ones.
Totally OT from the seriousness of my post, but have you checked out Free People? Loving their clothes!
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